I met the friendliest cop last night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
