Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
