i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
