I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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