The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wear drunk well.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
