chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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