I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
