u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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