saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
