explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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