let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
