____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
