I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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