last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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