Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
