mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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