i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
