Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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