I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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