it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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