I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
