your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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