OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
