he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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