I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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