She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
