I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
