bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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