Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's always time for handjobs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
