Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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