last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
