the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was like eating out sand paper
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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