My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
