I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
