I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
that is very illegal...i love you.
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