Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
