Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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