Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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