You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
