Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
