K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
