OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
