i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
