Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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