i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
