He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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