I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
