Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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