I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
