i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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